Of days and days

Just one is those days that I feel terribly sad.

I don’t know why, maybe it was the finals that didn’t go too well (and I really loved the texts too, what a lousy feeling) and basically worries and worries about the world and myself and the distance I feel between you and I.

I want to know your heart. Will I ever?

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Of adulthood and adulting

In another episode of disappointing parents:

My mum texted us to tell our dad to marinate the meat before she comes home (because she isn’t talking to him) and nobody say the message except for me, who forwarded it to my dad

And she got mad and yelled at my sister? Idk this is seriously why one of the reasons being at home is so anxiety inducing

My parents act out at home even when they’re civil and good outside and they take it out on us and they don’t really seem to care how we feel or how it affects us? I’ve never really felt protected at home ever because my mom is the primary antagonist and my dad does not step in to protect me when she goes overboard

I’m glad I’ve learnt to make friends, because even when I didn’t have any my parents didn’t try to help, did they even care tbh haha since my dad was busy gallivanting around with other women outside and my mother was being overly controlling in the household

They can’t seem to take care of issues on their own, the only support they give me is financially (and transport-wise I guess) but idk I can’t help but feel unfilial when I bring this up in my head

One of the reason why I wished I was dead tbh, I have nothing and nobody to live for